I am a mom of three. My older two kiddos are 8 and 10 years old, so I, like, totally have this mom thing down. Well…okay, if we’re being honest, I’m still learning daily, by the minute. But, with two older kids who NAILED sleeping as infants (I’m talking sleeping straight through the night by three months and taking two STELLAR consistent naps daily), figuring out sleep with my newborn was the farthest concern from my mind. I never imagined I’d have to pay attention to tips to help your baby sleep, and I naively assumed she’d just fall right into the same routine the older kids did. So imagine my surprise when my littlest princess made it very clear that she is not interested in napping. At all. Ever.
Now, I take full responsibility for some of her poor sleeping habits. Getting pregnant with her took a few years and we suffered two losses along the way, so when she was finally in my arms, I did all of those things that aren’t recommended, the “no’s” to help your baby sleep and encourage independent sleep. I let her nap in my arms. I nursed her to sleep. I let her sleep in my bed. I napped with her. Don’t get me wrong–there is, in my opinion, NOTHING wrong with these things. It just that, for my girl, these things combined with her VERY strong-willed personality to create some serious nap challenges.
I should clarify that my baby’s nighttime sleep is and always has been phenomenal. I know, I know. I shouldn’t be complaining about naps when I’m getting twelve (seriously, she’s a rockstar nighttime sleeper!) solid hours of sleep out of her every night (Learn more HERE about how much sleep babies need each night). But here’s the thing–babies need sleep breaks throughout the day. They really do. They need the time to recharge those busy, growing bodies. And you? You need that time, too. Whether you use that time to catch up on a show, throw in some laundry, get dinner prepped, or sleep (please, oh please choose sleep!), you NEED that time.
I tried to get her to nap, I really did. I sought advice from friends, family, and of course, Google. I tried things I thought might work. I tried things I was pretty confident wouldn’t work. I tried and I tried. And then I cried and threw in the towel. Forget naps! And then…I came across the idea of Sleep Consultants.
I had NO idea there even was such a thing before I heard about one who had worked wonders with babies who wouldn’t nap. As a compulsive researcher, I began looking up consultants in the area that help your baby sleep. I stalked their webpages (and, primarily, the testimonies from happy clients). And then, one Saturday morning, at the end of my nap rope, I gave a Sleep Consultant a call. I was admittedly a pessimist to the whole idea going in, but at the end of our conversation, I found myself recharged and hopeful and ready to tackle this sleep thing head on.
So what did I learn in working with a Sleep Consultant? I learned that there is no quick fix. (I’m sorry. You may want to stop reading right now, but please don’t–I promise I can help!) But, I also learned that babies CAN learn to nap. It took a few weeks, a lot of patience, and some wine for Mommy in following these tips to help your baby sleep, but in the end, my girl naps.
What are the top six tips to help your baby sleep?
- Do what works for YOU. There are SO many schools of thoughts on sleep training (many even hesitate to use the word “training” as it pairs with a negative connotation). There are books and books and theory after theory of what works and what doesn’t. Before picking a strategy to implement, take some time to think about what will work for you, your baby, and your family. Are you okay with letting the baby cry or are you looking for a more tear-free strategy as you help your baby sleep? Do you want to be in the room or out of the room while you work on nap attempts? It’s important to process your thoughts on questions such as these before you begin. Just because your neighbor swears by a strategy that worked wonders for her, doesn’t mean it will work for you…especially if it just doesn’t feel right for you. Make sure your plan is something that you feel good about.
- Nighttime sleep impacts naps. This one threw me for a loop. One of the first things the sleep consultant told me was that we’d have to change up my daughter’s nighttime sleep before we could really get into naps. What?!? She was sleeping twelve straight hours; why in the world would we mess with that? Turns out that nighttime sleep directly impacts naps. So, in our case, a few bad bedtime habits needed to be corrected. One thing I’m not willing to give up is nursing the baby before bed. While I wasn’t nursing her all the way to sleep, I was nursing her immediately before placing her in the crib. This had become a sleep association for her: milk = sleep. Since she won’t always have milk before bed as she grows, we wanted to correct this. Now, she still nurses at night but instead of nursing being the last thing in our bedtime routine, it is the first. She adapted to that change beautifully and it did not impact her night at all. Take a look at your bedtime routine. Is there anything happening that is a sleep crutch? Rocking to sleep? Lullabies in the background? A mobile over the crib? Start by eliminating any sleep crutches so that the baby will learn to truly fall asleep on his or her own.
- Set the mood. Just like you probably prefer to sleep with your room/lights/etc. a certain way, so does baby! A dark (very dark) room is a great start. If you have room darkening blinds or curtains, super. If not, think outside the box. The sleep consultant I worked with recommends black garbage bags or even cardboard over the windows. You want the room nice and dark in order for your babe to get into a nice, deep sleep. (NOTE: Any room-darkening devices you use can be removed once the baby gets sleep down. We have darkening curtains, but we also opted to temporarily put black trash bags over the windows to make the room as close to nighttime dark as possible. We now only use the room darkening curtains.) White noise also comes highly recommended. It is important to note that pure white noise works best. Lullabies, rainforest melodies, and even rain can all actually disrupt sleep, as the change in tones and rhythms can startle a baby (especially when transitioning between sleep cycles).
- Routine, Routine, Routine, A solid bedtime routine seems to be at the heart of nearly any sleep plan. But, did you know a nap routine is equally as important? The routine doesn’t need to be anything fancy – just something that you (and other family members, babysitters, etc.) can stick to. We use the same routine for both naps and bedtime. As the baby gets used to the routine, he or she knows what to expect. It’s comforting and, when it’s time to get into bed, there are no surprises. In our house, the bedtime routine starts with nursing. We then brush her teeth (at bedtime), read her a book, turn on her sound machine, and sing her a song as we put her into her crib. She enjoys it and expects each step. As soon as her book is done, she reaches for the sound machine. The whole process only takes a few minutes and, for lots of babies, this consistency makes a world of difference. It is absolutely vital to do things the same way each day. Remember that the change in schedule/routine/etc. is all new for the baby, too, so doing things the exact same way at each nap and bedtime will make the transition much easier on both of you.
- Give it time. Give the plan time to work. In fact, when you start a new nap plan, it’s not a bad idea to take a quick look at the calendar and be sure that for the next 2-3 weeks you can really commit to the plan. In other words…it’s not a great idea to start a nap plan before a holiday or big family vacation. Once you do start, don’t be surprised if you don’t see much, if any, progress for the first few days. Looking back, I realize that I “quit” too early on things I was trying on my own. I’d start something new and then the stress and anxiety of it not working would cause me to throw in the towel. It’s likely not that the plan wasn’t ever going to work, but that not giving it enough time led to it failing. Only after several days if nothing at all is changing, go ahead and tweak the plan. “Patience is a virtue” is the name of this game. Have patience and be consistent.
- Give yourself a nap break. Sometimes you just need a break. About a week and a half into my time with my Sleep Consultant, she could tell I was at my breaking point. What she said shocked (and delighted!) me, and it’s something I’ve passed on to friends who are working on sleep with their babies. “Take a nap break. For the next two days, drive the baby at nap times. Get yourself coffee. Clear your head. No at-home nap attempts.” It was incredible. I drove and sipped my coffee and then, two days later, I was ready to work on naps again. Also, don’t hesitate to get your partner, parents, siblings, etc., involved. Sometimes you just need a break and you do not need to do it all alone! What’s more? Sometimes, babies get the message when someone else tries the same routine. The first nap my daughter ever laid down and took with no tears or resistance was when my husband did the routine and put her down. I was speechless. I truly think as he did all of those same things Mommy was doing every day, she was like, “Well, shoot. He’s doing it, too. I might as well just lie down and go to sleep.”
You do not need to be supermom. Ask for the assistance to help your baby sleep when you need it. And when all else fails? Get in that car, hit up the nearest coffee shop, and clear your mind. While these tips to help your baby sleep aren’t going to transform your little one overnight, they are tips that, with time and practice, will make day and nighttime sleep easier. See more about sleeping with baby as you sort your game plan.
Every day won’t be perfect. We still have days when the baby resists sleeping. The day or two before a tooth comes in, my daughter’s sleep gets out of whack. Being off of her schedule messes with her naps. But for the most part, she happily lies down twice a day and gets that much-needed sleep. Not only does your babe (and you!) need sleep, but it’s important to remember that sleep is a life-long skill. Establishing a routine to help your baby sleep and that allows your little one to put him or herself to sleep is a priceless gift. Take a deep breath, make a plan, stick to it, and know that you are not alone, mama!
You’ve got this, friends. Now that you have these tips to help your baby sleep, go get ’em! Happy napping!
First image credit: depositphotos.com, Image ID:4719793, Copyright:nazarenko
Second image credit: depositphotos.com, Image ID:126508478, Copyright:SvetlanaFedoseeva
Third image credit: depositphotos.com, Image ID:23924079, Copyright:oksun70
Amy Waltermyer
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Janine Huldie says
Honestly just so glad I am past the baby sleep stage with my own girls. But still will pass your advice on for helping babies to sleep better to family and friends who have babies now and need help in this area. Thanks!! 😉
Amy says
Sleep is such a tricky thing… And every baby is so different! Hopefully these general tips will help some of your friends and family. 🙂
Jane says
I tried a method without CIO by Susan Urban – the HWL method. It helped us out big time! You must follow very precisely instruction step by step and that is it. We were the winners after 5 days:) we have found the instruction in this guide: http://www.parental-love.com
I am 8 months pregnant now and i am definitely going to use this method again. I highly recommend
Amy says
So glad you found something that worked for your family. there are so many methods and theories out there that it can be overwhelming. Here’s to lots of sleep filled night’s for your little one… And you!
Jessica says
That’s my favorite method too! Worked for us in just 4 nights! I really enjoyed reading this, cause it is very simple, and using it is also very easy. You basically have points to follow, without overthinking. I would recommend that too!
Amy Waltermyer says
Thanks for reading, Jessica! I’m glad you found the read helpful. When mamas are sleep deprived and looking for relief, hopefully reading these quick tips will help!!
Chloe says
I’m also using this guide, and it helped, but my baby is incredible and unchangeable when it’s about his sleep. Few days it’s okay, we live in harmony, but after that peaceful time, we have a little crisis, and we have to start all over again .. After all, now is so much better, I mean with all tips from guide than without. The best guide from Susan is ‘how to make breastfeeding’. My friend have 4 year old baby, and I bought for her ‘how to create order in youre child’s room’ for present (I printed guide and made a little book). I hope that she like it 😉 I also ordered via https://www.parental-love.com
Amy Waltermyer says
So glad you found something that works! Like many things, it’s a lot of trial and error…but the key is also sticking with a plan so the baby gets used to the routine. Change takes time! I hope your friend likes the gift!
Martina says
I know this guide! After I gave birth to my baby girl we had trouble sleeping. When she woke up in the night, she put the whole house on feet. How to teach a baby to fall asleep alone by Susan Urban shows you step by step how to start training your child’s sleep. We started with the night time routine and we finally achive 10 hours of sleep! This ebook will make it easier and help to deal with motherhood. This site with blog is also site with shop. Regards and good luck to you 🙂
Meredith says
Martina, thanks for sharing this! So super to know this worked for you and was so effective!
Madeleine says
I also used the guide [how to teach a baby to fall asleep alone] from Susan, but in a more tough situation, because during the labor it turned out that I would be a mother of twins !!! I got this guide from my mother-in-law… and didnt expect too much. But, there is big BUT 😉 after 4 months, when I was barely functioning, I decided to give my mother-in-law and Susan a chance;) The tips and all advices worked really well, after a few days my little boys slept in their cribs all alone. This stabilized their 24-hour lifestyle, they better “used” naps during the day and I think they were more happy;)
Alexis says
Wow, what a surprise! I am prepared to have those in december and I’m looking for some sleeping tips – I imagine it may be hard. But if you say this Susan Urban’s book is working – I’m going to try this one. Wish me luck 🙂
Cindy says
In our case the method from Susan Urban’s guide worked wonders! Thank you
Bonnie says
Thank you Jane for sharing the link! I bought this ebook and my life has changed. It is a pity that so few parents undertake to teach their children to sleep. Everyone thinks it has to be like this, that it’s natural and those first years are so difficult for them. It turns out that it doesn’t have to be this way. I am the best proof of this. Thank you again
Katia says
Hey, Amy!
Thank you for your great tips! I agree patience and consistency are the key here. Also, as you said, a bedtime routine is very important. I’ve heard some people take their baby to ride in a car until the baby falls asleep. The monotonic driving causes to baby to fall asleep very quickly. The problem here may be that the baby can wake up at the time you move him/her from the car into the stroller and to the bed.
Thank you again!
Amy says
Hi Katia! I am so glad that you found some helpful tips. I have heard the same about the car trick… But I agree with you. My fear is that it’s just a temporary fix. Our end goal in this process was to be able to help the baby put herself to sleep on her own because I feel like that is an important skill. It definitely took a little time and a lot of patience, but I am so glad we worked through this. She is such a fantastic sleeper now! It was definitely a rocky road, so I love hearing that these tips are helping others!!
Cynthia Severson says
Hello,
Amy Waltermyer Hope you are well.
Today visited most of all blog post. All are Informative and Valuable. I hope well set up room, sound machine & going to bed on right time is more important things to consider.
Thanks again.
Amy says
Thanks for reading and for your comments…I’m glad you have found them helpful and informative!
Judith says
Thank you Jany for sharing the info about Susan Urban’s How to teach a baby to fall asleep alone guide. It has worked for us. Very easy and fast! Thanks
Amy says
So glad to hear you found something that worked for your little one!
Michelle Henry says
Great post! I think that sleep is so important for both kids and parents! Life is so much easier when both of you are getting the rest you need. Thanks for sharing!
Amy says
Agreed! I think we ALL need that time to reset! So glad you enjoyed the post – thank you for reading and commenting!
Lisa says
My daughter Alice needed to be nurse to sleep since the day she was born. And I was too afraid of sleep train her because I woulnd’t take her crying. But when she turned 5 months I was so tired that I needed to do something about it. I decided to find a method without CIO and after reading the comments here I decided to purchase Urban’s ebook it worked extremely well. After 4 days it was all over, no more nursing to sleep. Now I know that sleep training is not that bad, you just need to use the right method! I recommend the one from How to teach a baby to fall aslee alone guide by Susan Urban. Awesome help. I also like that this instruction was short and clear so I didn’t waste my precious time
Amy says
I’m so happy to hear you enjoy joyed the article and that you found something that’s worked for your baby and family! It’s amazing what some good sleep can do…for ALL of you!!
Lisa says
Amy you are so right! Sleep training made such a difference for me and my babies!
I like your blog! Thanks to your blog I’ve found Jane’s story about “How to teach a baby to fall asleep alone” ebook by S. Urban! I saw a lot of books for parents but who can read sooo many pages when all you need to achieve is more sleep for you and your baby! This ebook is different! short read with only most important info. 30 mins and i couod get started. After 2 days of following the ebook we did it!
Keep doing what you are doing Amy! like your work 🙂
Amy says
Thanks so much, Lisa! I’m so happy you have found something that works well for you and your little one! Enjoy your sleep-filled nights!
Margaret says
One more recommendation for “How to teach a baby to fall asleep alone” guide from me! Looks like the author knows that sleep-deprived parents can’t read 300 page books!! Short guide with clear instructions! Nice one 🙂
Amy says
You are so right! When sleep isn’t happening, reading long books isn’t, either! Short tips that can be easily read and digest is key!
Magarret says
When my son was born, I was all but 19, I did all the research, prepared to breast feed and co-sleep and boy did the nurses criticize me. They gave me all sorts of lectures and were so condemning. I did it anyway! He is 21 in a month and we are very close! Wouldn’t change it for the world.
Amy says
That’s one of the wonderful parts of being a mom – there are so many strategies, techniques, parenting skills, etc. – and choosing what works best for each child is such a gift! Kudos to you for the close relationship you have with your son. In the end, I think that’s what we all strive for!
Marisol says
Thank you for your advice to help me get my baby to sleep! I have spent many sleepless nights trying to get my little one to lay down, but now I realize that I did not have a good routine. I am excited to try this tonight!
Amy says
I’m so glad to hear you’ve found some renewed hope! Remember that routine is key and it takes several days (or more!) to help your little one see the pattern. I would try to keep things very, very consistent for at least a week to assist with progress. Sending you lots of good-sleeping thoughts!
Debra says
Thanks for the article and especially for the comments. Thanks to you, I came across the mentioned guide of Susan Urban. It is short but it contains a lot of valuable content. I put it into practice and I succeeded. My little kid has been falling asleep himself for a month
Mona says
I’m with you Debra! After reading the article and then the comments I got Susan Urban’s guide and we also succeed! Loving this short guide and Amy’s blog!
Amy says
Reading this makes my day! A happy, rested mama makes for a happy baby! SO glad you found something that works for your family!
Ethel says
I will say briefly: the HWL method from Susan Urban’s guide works and it works fast! I’m so glad I stopped by to read the article and the comments and that I purchased the guide! Life is beautiful when your baby sleeps 🙂
Amy says
Thank you so much for reading and updating us! I’m so happy to hear that you found a method that worked for you (and your baby!) And I agree…sleep is a truly beautiful thing!
Amy says
It worked for me too! Susan Ubran’s guides are the best, I love her style.
Meredith says
Yay! So glad you found something that works so well 🙂
Priss says
Hi, I am wondering if my LO is 19 months old and sleeps in my bed I am 30 weeks pregnant and I want to make the transition to the crib that is in my room but I really can not find how. Any advice! Thanks, moms!
Amy Waltermyer says
Hi there! I honestly have not done the bed-to-crib move before, but I think many of my tips could still apply. I truly think routine is everything. And baby steps! I had to remind myself that this was a new process, and I couldn’t expect a big change overnight. Best of luck to you!
Madeleine says
I also used the guide [how to teach a baby to fall asleep alone] from Susan, but in a more tough situation, because during the labor it turned out that I would be a mother of twins !!! I got this guide from my mother-in-law… and didnt expect too much. But, there is big BUT 😉 after 4 months, when I was barely functioning, I decided to give my mother-in-law and Susan a chance;) The tips and all advices worked really well, after a few days my little boys slept in their cribs all alone. This stabilized their 24-hour lifestyle, they better “used” naps during the day and I think they were more happy;)
Meredith says
Madeleine, ah!! I am so glad to hear this was such a win for you. And holy cow! What surprise to have at labor! You are a rockstar, mama 🙂
Sarah says
Do what works for you is the best tip ever! Seriously.
Like for me – I would never use CIO method (I used no-CIO method by Susan from parental-love.com) but I accept that other moms use that. It’s not proven to be harmful. I don’t approve that but never give a lecture. That’s the last think a sleep-deprived mother needs, right? We should be there for each other instead of judge out choices.
Meredith says
Doing whatever works for you IS the great advice, Sarah! Here’s to getting through however we can 🙂