10 Lessons Learned in the Trenches of New Motherhood

I’m tickled to have Kathy Radigan of My Dishwasher’s Possessed! on Mom of the Year today sharing about the 10 things she wished she knew before she had her first baby. Kathy is a dear friend and fellow blogger I’ve known for a few years now, and I always enjoy reading about her life as a mom to three, wife to one, and the owner of a possessed kitchen appliance. I know you’ll love her as much as I do!

Seventeen years ago I was hugely pregnant and watching the calendar roll further and further beyond my due date. When I did finally have my baby 10 days past that elusive date, I was thrilled. But I was also completely shocked at just how much real life differed from my fantasies about childbirth and new motherhood. 

Sure, moms today have postpartum girdles for weight loss, more access to information than ever before and (almost) everything you’ll ever need to take care of your child can be delivered to your door. But don’t think for a second you have any way to completely control or anticipate what motherhood will really be like.

I read the books and took all the courses. I thought I knew what to expect. I was wrong.

My first baby is now taller than I am and is learning to drive. I’m feeling nostalgic about those first few days, months, and years so I am sharing 10, (for how many days past my due date I was) things that I wish I had known back then.

1. Expect the unexpected when it comes to actually having your baby. I had heard enough of my friends’ birth stories, from perfect dream deliveries to deliveries from hell that I thought I was pretty prepared. I was not. Twenty hours into labor, I said to my husband, ‘You know, I think this just isn’t going to happen today. Let’s go home and try tomorrow.” For a minute, I really believed this.
2. The more expensive a newborn or a child’s outfit is, the more tiny snaps or buttons it has. Those snaps can be really hard to manage in the beginning or after a full week of no sleep. Go ahead and buy all the cute things that are sold in the speciality baby stores, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
3. Just when you feel you have mastered a stage of development with your newborn, infant, toddler, or even teenager, they will move into a new stage. If you are feeling on top of your parenting game, enjoy it. Your kid will move into a new stage any day now.
4. Since we are talking about stages of development, want to toilet train your kid? Buy diapers or pullups in bulk when they are on sale. Once the three-month supply of diapers or pull-ups is in your closet, your child will decide it’s time to use the potty. It’s not a completely foolproof method, but it has proved effective with my three.
5. If you really feel like you are done with raising babies, make sure you are using a very effective form of birth control before getting rid of your baby furniture and baby clothes. This is from someone who needed the help of a fertility doctor with babies one and two. Baby three was a complete surprise that came right after I gave away all crib bedding and baby clothes.
6. No matter what you choose for your baby — bottle or breast feeding, cloth or disposable diapers, staying home or going back to work — someone, somewhere will say you are wrong. Don’t be surprised if close relatives are some of your loudest critics. The sooner you realize that the only people that matter now are in the family you have just created, the sooner you will enjoy your life as a mom.  
7. The faster you can meet other moms that you really connect with, the faster you will start to really enjoy your new role. Meeting these friends might be harder than you expect. Especially, if like me, you have recently moved to the suburbs and left your job. I was astounded at how lonely I felt those first few months being home with my baby, and I was equally shocked at just how much time and effort I had to put into finding my mom “tribe.” But it was so worth it.  
8. Your little one will not care if you have the flu, pulled your back out, or are in active labor with their sibling. They want you when they want you. It has always felt more than a little daunting to me just how important I am to my three kids. Even now that they are teens and tweens, I hold a place that nobody else does. We moms have magical powers. But our kids are glad to have grandma or another trusted caregiver watch them them so that we can get better. Take care of yourself. This has always been easier said than done for me, but it’s vital to my family and me.
9. If you don’t want your husband or partner to think of themselves as a “babysitter” or “part-time” caretaker, don’t treat them that way. I was so convinced that only I could give a bottle or diaper our babies the “right” way, that I had a hard time letting go and letting Joe find his own way with the baby. Once I did, it made a really big difference in our marriage and in his relationship to all three of our kids.
10. People are going to constantly tell you to enjoy every moment, and that it all goes by ridiculously fast. Women whose kids are days away from their 17th birthdays may be the biggest offender of this. It’s totally normal to want to scream at me, I mean them, and tell us to shut the heck up. After all you are knee deep in diapers, bottles, and toddler tantrums, and the last thing you want is some weepy, sappy, middle-aged mom smiling at you and getting all sentimental. But file it in the back of your mind because trust me, it’s totally true.

Kathy Radigan is a writer, blogger, social media addict, mom to three, wife to one and owner of a possessed appliance. She posts a weekly essay each Sunday on her blog, My dishwasher’s possessed! Kathy is the author of the viral post An Open Letter to My Teenage Son About Drinking. She is a Huffington Post blogger and a frequent contributor to What the Flicka and Scary Mommy.. Her work has also been featured on, Yahoo, Elephant Journal, What to Expect,and other online publications. Kathy lives outside New York City with her family. You can follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Google +

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Meredith

Meredith blogs at The Mom of the Year, where she dedicatedly earns her title one epic parenting fail at a time, offering quick, relatable laughs for fellow parents and all their empathizers. She has been part of several best-selling anthologies, featured on prominent sites such as Huffington Post, In the Powder Room and BlogHer, and loves her role as the Executive VP/Operations Manager of The BlogU Conference. When she's not breaking up fights over Legos and juice boxes, she remains fully committed to sharing a less serious look at the world of parenting.

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