Once in a while, I do crazy things, like attempting to vlog. I know, it makes no sense to me either.
Really, some people just don’t belong in front of a camera. Like me. Aside from my raging awkwardness, complete with multiple “ums”, excessive hand gestures and inexplicable eye closing, technology is not something with which I should ever be acquainted. As in, if it involves electricity or has a button, it would be best operated by anyone else in the world other than me.
For definitive proof of this ineptitude and for a wonderful laugh, see this short video. You’re welcome.
Regardless of my hopelessness, I recently recorded a clip for VProud.tv (have you hung out on this site at all? You really should, it’s full of information and realness to help you sort through the issues we grapple with in our day-to-days). In my video, I explored an issue that is near and dear to my heart: should my 6 yr. old son be riding the school bus?
The thing was, I assumed my quandry over this question was symptomatic of my first-time mom-ness and unique to my general uncertainity about how to exist in this world. However, after sharing this video on my social channels, I was blown away to learn what a hot button topic this is for so very many moms. The comments on both my personal and blog Facebook pages were eye-opening.
Aside from my nervous fussing over putting my oh-so-little guy on the bus with scary older kids and concern about my son’s day at school already being so long without adding in bus rides, my readers presented other very solid considerations that have influenced their decisions regarding the school bus. Scheduling conflicts, safety issues, limitations of the bus driver, discipline, and the perspective of walkers were all factored in when sorting out how their children would get to and from school.
My VProud.tv video is below. It isn’t long, but to summarize if you don’t get to the whole clip: we live close enough to the school that it is easy enough (and sometimes far more convenient, especially in winter temps) for me to drive my son to school. He occasionally complains that the additional time on the bus tires him out and that it’s hard to find a seat because the bus is overcrowded (it most definitely is), but we continue to put him on the bus because as we believe it’s an important stretch of his introverted personality to be stretched in this social situation. My husband is more convicted of this than I am; I believe I am influenced strongly by my own experience of not enjoying the bus ride as a child. I firmly acknowledge that even being able to debate the situation is a luxury of the fact that I work from home, which allows me tremendous flexibility.
So this is the situation, the issue, in full. Obviously, I am still somewhat unsure of what the best course of action is for us and am very welcoming of any and all input you have regarding this issue. Tell me your thoughts!
That said, I’ve spent a considerable chunk of time evaluating The School Bus Dilemma recently and have settled on these points to help me sort through the concern:
- If you are not able to drive your child to school, they will be okay. This is why the bus system exists: to transport your child to school for you. Know that for as many reasons as there are to avoid the bus, there are as many reasons to use it. As you do with so many things in your child’s life, you will work with your child to successfully navigate through the situation. They will be fine.
- If you are seeing no negative results, your child is probably fine. If your child isn’t picking up bad habits or reporting nasty treatment from other students, he is most likely, simply riding the bus. This is possible, and this is okay.
- If your child is suffering negatively, consider whether it’s worth helping him process the negativity in a positive way; it may or may not be. Picking up bad language from his fellow riders? Can you use this as a teaching moment and talk to him about making good choices despite what his peers are doing? However, if the situation is too grim, and you are able to avoid the bus, go for it. You are the parent and know what works for you and your child.
- If there are real safety concerns with your child riding the bus, avoid it. One reader talked about her 4 yr. old child moving around too much to be considered safe sans a restricted seatbelt that buses lack. If you are genuinely worried about your child’s safety on the bus, for whatever reason, don’t put him on it.
- If the bus ride is excessively long, or your child has other concerns which make the added time on the bus ride challenging, the bus might not be a good fit. This is where I stumble. My son does have significant attention and overstimulation issues; I remain unconvinced that time on a crowded bus at the beginning and end of his day doesn’t compound his struggles.
- If your child enjoys riding the bus, embrace it. Unless there are some significant detrimental effects, see it as a win and encourage his pursuit of this social growth environment.
In short, unless there are sound reasons to keep your child off the bus and your schedule does permit driving your child to school, it may be the smartest move to put him on the bus. I think children generally do well when exposed to a variety of social situations, including those with which they are uncomfortable. We all grow and expand our horizons when we are pushed–in a healthy way.
And this is the trick of it: if it’s not a healthy circumstance, for whatever reason, regrouping may be in order. This is where that gorgeous, muddled ground of parental discretion comes into play. This is why we endlessly lose sleep over these issues that seem small to those outside of our parenting world. Figuring out what is best for our children is complicated. It’s so hard to know what is best.
Especially as that yellow bus comes barrelling up the road. Godspeed, parents. Wherever you fall on this issue, I can truly say, I’m with you.
Check out this VProud.tv discussion about another weighty parenting issue that becomes prevalent with school-age children: is sleeping over at friend’s house a good idea for your kids?
First image credit: depositphotos.com, image ID:6558997, copyright:RobHainer
Second image credit: depositphotos.com, vector ID:30194409, copyright:Kolopach
Third image credit: depositphotos.com, image ID:15551889, copyright:Haywiremedia
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Janine Huldie says
First off, we could be twins with the vlogging tales, as I am the queen of the umms and not sure what I was ever thinking back in the day. That said about the bus, both my girls take it as we are entitled to it. I was nervous at first, but older daughter actually loved taking it and now so does my younger. They just told me yesterday that when my husband and I are up there for my younger daughter’s Star Day in a few months that they don’t want to come home with us at the end, but take the bus, believe it or not. So, I have embraced it, but not sure how I would have reacted if they didn’t like it and you totally bring up valid points above 😉
Meredith says
Janine, so great that your girls love the bus and that it works so well for them! Sounds like such a win for everyone!
Teresa taylor says
My boy hates the school bus, and his day is worse for travelling on it.
I love your blog and points made here. Letting our children take the lead on this one, to a degree , if we’re able is the best way.
I will definitively be trying my utmost to drive my child to school, moving forward. It quite clearly causes him distress, and I see nothing to be gained from continuing putting him on there……..only upset 🙁
Meredith says
I fully agree with this. I know it’s not possible for many parents, but if it is and it’s a help, I say do it. My kids are now middle school/high school and after hearing all the stuff that happens on the bus, I still take them if I can!
Stephanie says
You are amazing in your video, totally relatable, and I don’t know what awkwardness you are talking about! This is our first year with a bus rider (ours is actually more of a van that picks him up at our house, so there is no waiting at a cold bus stop in bad weather, which is pretty amazing) and it is also our first year with three kids in three different schools. All of my kids’ schools start at 9am, and my husband has to be at work before that. I haven’t figured out a way to be in three places at once yet, so there is just no way I could do it without the help of the transportation. My 2nd grader is very outgoing and social and he actually really enjoys being a bus rider and the small taste of independence it gives him. But he did pick up a few choice words from the older kids on his bus at the beginning of the year, which was not so fun.
Meredith says
Stephanie, I love that you are so practical about the whole situation and so aware of what is actually happening on the bus. And I’m sure you help your son process it all in a healthy way too, which is what really matters.
WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustion says
You ARE meant to be on camera, shush! With three kids, and only one riding the bus, it’s difficult to schlep my Kindergarten student to the bus stop with sisters in tow. That said, I HAVE to. Even though the school is barely 2 miles away, my son is the kind who does better without me. The short ride to bus school helps him separate from Mama with a little more grace than he could if I drove him right up to the door, ya know? That said, our bus driver takes incredible care of our Kindergartners with assigned seats, letting them on and off first, etc. REALLY puts parents’ minds at ease.
NEXT VLOG! NEXT VLOG! 🙂
Meredith says
That is so fantastic that your bus driver is so on the game, taking care of the kids. And super point too, with helping kids transition from home to school.
You crack me up. Don’t hold your breath 😉
Erika says
I am a little slow on the commenting on this one…but our second and fourth graders are the last to be picked up–they get the bus at about 8:53 and school is at 9:00 and the first off; school lets out around 3:30 and they are home by 3:40.
I LOVE our scenario and will be honest with you…when yours are slightly older and may have evenings of soccer at 5:30 and 30 min of homework, if I were you, I would go get them! You need to get homework done and eat dinner and then get somewhere! We have three busy nights a week right now and I thank goodness they are home so early and can give us time to decompress and get done all the things!
I don’t think that they will miss a thing being taken home or dropped off by you. AND, on top of that, when they get older, they may ask to ride the bus to get more time with a best friend or talking about something big from the day.
Winter, cold, snowy, take them in the van!
Meredith says
Erika, sounds like our kids have about the same bus schedule–and we have the same perspective! I think for us, this will end up being a flux and flow…and I think I’m okay with that. 🙂