I’m not shy about not being particularly good at this kid thing. I love mine, of course. And sometimes I even enjoy kids’ activities and playdates, but in general, I’m a flop at understanding what to do with the younger set.
This bothers me. It’s the kind of thing you feel weird discussing with others, because what will they think? I’m not good at kids, and I have them. I can hear the warning sirens firing off, demanding I start stashing up for my children’s future therapy needs now.
I’ve spent a lot of time pondering all the different kinds of moms. And I don’t mean the helicopter mom vs. permissive mom vs. any of the other parenting styles so often discussed. I mean different moms are good at different things.
Like, I have friend who is fantastic at doing crafts with her kids. I think her house must have a secret art supply stash room somewhere. And you know what? That’s cool because she enjoys doing creating stuff with them. Plus, when we visit, my kids always get to make something really neat.
Another friend is so darn good at playing with her kids outside. It doesn’t matter what the weather is, she is on it. Sleds and parkas in the winter get traded in for rain boots and sunblock as the weather warms. If it’s light out, she and the kids are out, soaking up all that vitamin D goodness.
I admire my friend who aces staying relaxed, something that is too often overlooked in our culture. She and her children chill, relax and play their way through their days. And don’t think she ever stresses. Her children are going to grow up to be the most zen creatures on this earth.
Another friend schools a bevvy of extracurriculars for her kids, another is the queen of fun kid vacations, another hasn’t stopped reading her daughter books from the moment she came out of the womb. Others are good at teaching, at laughing, at baking, at…you get the point, we’re all different.
And that’s okay, because we need a boatload of different people in this world. It’s a really good thing that people are raised in different ways with different focuses. Variety is the stuff of life, right?
Recently I was chatting this over with a friend (you know, the real kind of friend, the one who doesn’t judge you for still being in your pajamas at 1pm) and she had a brilliant point. She noted that it’s not just the particular things we are good at doing with our kids, but the particular ages of our children that highlight our mothering strengths. This made so much sense!
As in, at this age of my children, I might shudder with impatience at the idea of teaching them to play piano, but when my daughter is older, I would love to teach her to knit. My friend talked about the brutality of trying to entertain her little kids, but she now loves hanging out and catching movies with her teenagers. There will always be ages and stages we handle better than others, and this is okay too. We always love our kids, we might just have times that we shine a bit more than others.
What am I good at? Not young kids, for sure, but I do have hopes for future years. And while I suck at taking my kids to lessons, live in fear of glitter, and am terrible at Play-Doh, I’m not terrible at making a big deal of special little things. The silly days and events no one cares about? I probably do, and I celebrate them with our kids. Whether it’s trekking out to the Farm Show every year or throwing a rockin’ Groundhog Day party today, it’s probably a happening for our family.
So, it works. For us. And that’s the bottom line; everyone has her strength, and it might look nothing like the neighbor’s. Moms, find your glory, and go share it with your kiddos. Being you is one powerful gift to give your children.
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Second image credits: depositphotos.com, image ID:9305586, copyright:iofoto; image ID:63171059, copyright:kdshutterman; image ID:22165189, copyright:yanlev; image ID:5024549, copyright:Kzenon
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Janine Huldie says
I a so with you on this, as I am not the mom that can sit on the floor for hours at this age playing with them and nor am I the crafty mom by any means. But love your take away here and I do think I will be better as my girls are growing up, as I was once a pain in *ss teeen girl so that has to count for something! Seriously, though thank you for making me feel a bit better at my own shortcomings with the age they are out now, because again I am by no means the perfect mom right now either.
Meredith says
Shortcomings are just what makes us all unique, right Janine? I am trying hard to remember and embrace this!
Chris Carter says
OHmygosh Meredith! I LOVE this. You are so right! There are so many things I am now enjoying with my kids at their ages… and so many things I did NOT enjoy when they were little. And same is true to the opposite.
I love that we all have our own unique gifts and skills for our own children at all ages and stages!
Meredith says
Amen! Ages and stages, ages and stages…we’ve got this friend, right?? 😉
JulieK says
Oh this gives me such relief. I feel like the past 5 years I have tried to be “good at everything” and since I tend to be a “mom of all trades” I can generally hobble along at crafts, playdates, etc… but I admit trying to do it all doesn’t leave me feeling like I did anything very well. I am going to think about what I am REALLY good at (I think it’s books and literature) and focus more on that and a bit less on the things that I feel “forced” to do – not that I will never do them, but they might just have to take a lesser role. Thanks for the reminder that there are “ages and stages” … I cannot wait to discuss classic literature with my boys as they get older! 🙂
Meredith says
Won’t those literature chats be so fun, Julie? 🙂 Being good at everything definitely isn’t happening around here–ever. Here’s to all that beautiful imperfection!
Courtney says
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this! I was terrible with toddlers and any age that requires a tantrum. This school-aged time is my favorite so far. I pray that I will continue to feel good about mothering. I absolutely love your point about finding what you’re good at and rocking it! Let’s rock!
Meredith says
This gives me hope, Courtney! I just can’t nail this stage to save my life…and spend most of my days trying to remember it’s all a stage. Thanks, friend. So glad you found a happy spot! xo
Jeanie says
I love this. I suck at play playing with my 4 year old. He always wants to play legos and build train tracks and I always seem to do it “wrong” and I get kicked out. Daddy is great at it! But man, my son and I can have some AMAZING conversations about all KINDS of animals. We google and youtube to learn more about whatever animal pops into his head. He’s always impressed when I already knew something about an animal.
Meredith says
Yes! That’s the thing of it–figure out what you are aces at with your little dude and focus on that. I can’t do trains with my son either–I just don’t get it. Enjoy those animals together, Jeanie!
Alexis says
Great post! Acceptance is the hardest lesson to learn. I’ve accepted the outdoor activities are not my thing, save gardening. My hubby is great at it though. I love reading and crafting with my 4 year old. I was a bio major so I love going to the zoo. My husband has far more patience so he can spend hours with a break with her. I need quiet activity breaks to stay sane. It’s great when you find that balance. When she’s older my husband can’t wait to take her to sporting events and I can’t wait to introduce her to classic films.
Meredith says
Isn’t it cool how you and your husband have different gifts so you can together give your kids a bunch of different experiences? Love it! Thanks for sharing, Alexis!