Source
Babe, don’t look at me like that.
Facebook is a funny beast. As in, it doesn’t show your stuff to anyone and it’s totally depressing. Also, it does neat things like make helpful recommendations. For example, I might go to a simplistic home decor site and it will subsequently suggest I start following a death-metal band who dresses entirely in metallics. Sure. Makes sense.
So when a couple Facebook friends started telling me that Zuck was paralleling those who were interested in my site with the likes of John Stamos, I laughed. When a half dozen more friends told me the same thing, it was time to draw the obvious conclusion: John Stamos was obsessed with me and had bribed Facebook to start linking his page with mine.
On a basic level, I have no objection to John Stamos. Yes, Uncle Jessie was definitely a bit wild for my tastes, but praise God, Danny Tanner reined him in and it all worked out. In 23 minutes, every episode.
In truth, I was inspired by the lovely Snarkfest, who had a dream of meeting Mike Rowe and made it come true. She was the original informant who had tipped me off on John Stamos’ obsession with me. And as she proved through her diligent meeting-of-a-celeb-in-real-life, fascinations with famous persons are best done when taken very seriously.
Granted, in my situation, the tables were turned. I was clearly not nearly as taken with John as he was taken with me. But still, there was a considerable level of obsession and a reasonably differential level of fame in question.
What was one to do?
Source
Have mercy, indeed!
(I do not understand all the upward arrows?)
Should I social media stalk him in return? I don’t want him to humiliatedly feel his efforts have been rebuffed.
Should I call Rebecca Romijn to fill me in on where she went wrong with John so I don’t replicate her errors? Could I also ask her for the proper pronunciation of her last name while I have her on the phone?
Should I just call a public meeting and lay it all out on the line while flashing my wedding ring? It would hurt at first, but might be best for everyone in the long run. Rip the band-aid off.
In the end, I have settled on assuredly the very most appropriate action for any WAHM of two young kids: heroically accepting the truth of a man’s love and commiting to carrying the burden stoically. It won’t completely temper the fervor, but this is okay; the knowledge of his passion will most assuredly give one something to think about while stirring the steamed veggies come dinner hour. = TOTAL WIN
John Stamos, I get you. I see the advances you have been making, and I appreciate them. I appreciate them on behalf of all the tired yoga pant-covered 5pm-exhausted moms everywhere. Together, we are refusing to ignore your overtures and will keep believing in your love.
It keeps us viable. It will keep us interesting (at least to ourselves). And it will light the fire under our dinner peas.
Most sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for obsessing over me. xo
Latest posts by Meredith (see all)
- Here One Moment Book Club Discussion - November 8, 2024
- Create Fun Halloween Decor with a Decoupage Pumpkin Craft! - October 21, 2024
- Slow Dance Book Club Discussion - September 13, 2024
Stephanie says
Thank you for taking that one for the team. Now we can all swoon over yogurt commercials in peace. 🙂
Meredith says
Proud to do my part.
Lisa R. Petty says
GURRRRL! WE are fixin’ to fight! John Stamos has been MY MAN, since I was 12. Please read this for clarification on who you can stalk — because you are the stalker. http://lisarpetty.com/2013/01/11/all-my-fake-boyfriends/
Also, if you can figure out how to introduce me to John Cusack, I will let you have John Stamos. 🙂
Meredith says
Lisa, I love that we have the same mindset–such a pleasure to meet another logical gal 😉
Jen b says
Hahahah
Meredith says
😉
Teri says
I couldn’t love you any harder if I tried right now.
Meredith says
To squeezing the crap out of each other in less than 3 weeks!!
Kathy Radigan says
Thank you so much for a really well needed laugh!!! This is hysterical!!!
Meredith says
It’s all John, Kathy. God love him.
Kathy at kissing the frog says
You little minx, you. I’m going to have to get more of your celeb-stalking tips at BlogU. As a side note, my boys are obsessed with Full House right now. They think it’s a new show. I’m like, “No, Michelle is getting married!” They are shocked. But I can’t argue with good wholesome family t.v. since there’s not much of it lately.
Meredith says
Let them roll with it–a win for everybody, I say!
stacey says
That was fabulous! Just make sure not to give Uncle Jessie your number. It’s the only one you have. lol!! If he really starts pushing this too far, tell him you have a man with bees and that will make him back off FAST!
Meredith says
Yes, good call, Stacey–will whip out the bees for protection as needed.
Kellie says
You are such a brave and strong person. To be able to withstand the onslaught of John Stamos….well you are a stronger woman than I.
Meredith says
I’ll do my best to keep pressing on, Kellie…
Allison Hart says
I might have been the most in love with John Stamos person there ever was at one point in my life. That part of me is trying very hard to remember not to be jealous that he has fallen so hopelessly in love with you and not me all these years later. I’m happy for you, really. I think you’re handling the situation perfectly. I hope his admiration stays strictly in the Internet stalking phase and that he doesn’t show up at your door dressed only in Greek yogurt. Because then I’d have a hard time with the jealousy thing. I love Greek yogurt and I think it would probably look pretty good on JS. But I’m both married and lactose intolerant, so, really, better you than me.
Meredith says
It’s a tough thing, Allison, but if it falls through with us, I’ll load him up with almond milk and send him over. Hang in there.
Kayley says
There are some guys that I can’t even look at because a PICTURE of them will make me blush, this guy IS one of them. I totally watched Full House just for him until I was in my late teens. Does he ever age?! Are we sure he wasn’t sent here from another planet to stalk us all and take us back to his planet?!
Meredith says
No, Kayley, we aren’t sure of this and this sounds like a very real possibility. Off to develop the conspiracy theory…
Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms says
You are a hero. Ellen
Meredith says
We all do what we can, Ellen.
celeste says
Hahah oh god this really did make me laugh.
Meredith says
Yay! 🙂
Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says
Hmmm . . makes me wonder what suggestions come up when other people go to my page on FB?? 🙂
Meredith says
Ask them! It’s too much fun, Lisa!
femmefrugality says
100% jealous. How does he keep getting MORE attractive with time?
Meredith says
Now very suspicious of other-worldliness…
Amy - Funny Is Family says
My kids are digging on Full House, and that is totally fine by me. Have mercy.
Meredith says
A win for everybody 😉
My Special Kind of Crazy says
Oh, Uncle Jessie. The ONLY reason to watch Full House. And eat yogurt- which, btw, I call “false advertising” because I scarf that stuff down and my airplane seatmate is still a armrest hogging bad comb-over guy.
Meredith says
Darn yogurt ads with these high expectations!
Notsosupermom says
For some reason my kids are also currently obsessed with Full House, although they are somehow fixated on Michelle (or MICH-ellllllllllllllllllllllllllllle as they draaaaaaaag the “L’s” out forever. Really, I have no idea…) but now that I’ve read this I will feel compelled to watch with them and keep an eye out for the signs of Uncle Jesse’s eventual obsession with you.
Meredith says
I so appreciate you keeping an eye out for me. Here’s to Michellllllllllllle!