I’m listening to my children play “camping” above me in my daughter’s room. Basically, it sounds like a herd of noisy elephants who like to laugh a lot has been let loose. And a lot of opening and slamming doors is apparently required for this camping endeavor too.
I’m exhausted. They have won today. A day full of outside play, preschool drop-off, temper tantrums, 16 different lunch requests, spilled juice boxes, and a thousand readings of the same story.
Yet I am also at peace despite the fatigue. While I’ve never made any secret of that fact that this age and stage of young kiddos is challenging for me, my kids are getting older and this is getting slightly, very slightly, easier each day. A year ago, I couldn’t have let them both go upstairs and play together. If my daughter didn’t decide to bathe in the toilet, she would have fallen down the stairs in an effort to fly like a fairy.
But it’s not just these small slices of independence that leave me breathing a little relief. You see, we’re done. And not only are we done having children, we know that we are done having children.
I am NOT saying that it’s wrong to want more children. Or to have more children. Or to be uncertain about what your plans are. I’m simply saying that we’ve found a peace in finally knowing we’ve got our family where we want it to be.
Go ahead and jump a little–it feels good to be settled!
Different things are always right for different people, and I love rejoicing with my friends as they welcome new little angels into their families. At the same time, I have looked at my friends with older children who had already most definitely closed off the procreation efforts, and watched with an awe as they set about the business of raising their kids and just moving forward with their lives. I felt like I was watching from a confused mountain heap of messy diapers and cute first words with one leg caught in the yoga pants I’d only had time to partially pull on. Kind of mired where I was standing, yet wanting to do it again.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to leave the house, literally or figuratively. But when my husband and I definitively made the decision that for us, for our family, we were complete, it was as if the air freed up a bit. Suddenly energy that had been spent on figuring out where we wanted to go with our lives could just be spent on figuring out our lives.
It’s a tremendous blessing to have a “full family”, and I’m grateful for this every day. And who knows who or what God might bring into our lives in the future, but today, I’m feeling very peaceful about being satisfied with things as they are. About for us, being able to “call it a day” and move on with things.
Being able to “call it a family”, if you will. It’s a good place for us.
Complete with room for giggles
First image credit: depositphotos.com, ID:13765341, copyright:andresr
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Parri Sontag (Her Royal Thighness) says
I wish I could accept the knowledge that I’m done! I’m 51, so I am done, but I always wanted a second one that never happened. And I think I may always have a hole in my heart where that second child was supposed to be (heck, 2 was a compromise. I wanted 8, because of that Eight is Enough show in the 70s!). Anyway, someday I’d like to do an extended stay in another country where I can spend some time with children in orphanages. There’s a woman named Somalia Mam in Cambodia, for instance, who rescues young girls from sex trafficking. She’s built a home and school where they can get their lives back, recover from their traumatic experiences and feel loved again. Some of them are as young as three. It’s so sad. So maybe an opportunity will arise for this mom who has more love to give to give it to children who haven’t gotten enough love. It’s something I can’t stop thinking about … once my daughter is off on her own, maybe. Adorable pictures!
Meredith says
Wow, Parri, sounds like a beautiful vision has been laid on your heart. And YOU have a beautiful heart. Will be praying as this develops and grows for you…what an incredible vision for using yourself to bless others!
Synnove @ Don't Chew On The Dinner Table! says
Yes! It is liberating to know when to tap out! Hubbs and I knew before my third took her first breath on the outside that our little family was complete. You know when you know, you know?
Meredith says
“Tap out”. Love it, Synnove–exactly.
Kathy at kissing the frog says
Your family is darling and perfect. Some days I fantasize what it would have been like to have stopped at my first two or three – how much easier my life would be. But Hubby always reminds me “It’s all in what you know.” And what I know is joyful noise and beautiful chaos (at least, that’s what I’m telling myself). Lovely post, Meredith!
Meredith says
And I love hearing about your noise and chaos–fun that we can do this age of kids together and support each other, sweet Kathy!
Amy - Funny Is Family says
I knew I couldn’t completely close the door on the possibility of more children until my youngest was no longer a baby. Now that she’s knocking on kindergarten’s door, I can say comfortably: No more babies for us.
Your kids are adorable. Maybe one more? 😉
Meredith says
Maybe one more indeed 😉
Susan Maccarelli says
I am so done too! I started late and had them back to back and am already planning grown up vacations I can take with my husband and no kids in 15 years. Being able to decide was a luxury that I know not everyone has, so I grateful for having that luxury, but I am done too!
Meredith says
You sound exactly like me! Here’s to all that blissful fantasy vacation planning 🙂
Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life says
Well said. I have teenagers and in some ways I am sad that I will never experience the wonderment of little kids again, but teenagers can be great too. They are growing and changing in so many ways…becoming the adults that they will be, and there is something to be said for every stage of parenting. I don’t mind being done…I just wish time would slow down a little.
Meredith says
Can’t imagine all the worlds that are yet to await us as these kids age. Here’s to slowing down that clock!
Kelly @ Foxy Wine Pocket says
It is definitely a relief to know you’re done and be at peace with that. Between infertility and multiple miscarriages, we struggled a lot with the question. After our second was born, my husband knew he was done, but I still wasn’t sure. It wasn’t until after a conversation with my son (wherein he pointed to my ummmm, not flat, belly and asked if I had a baby in there) that I realized that our family was complete, and I was very happy with where we were. Definitely liberating. Definitely peaceful. I wish that for everyone–no matter what the answer is for her.
Meredith says
So well said. And so sorry your journey to get to that peace was such a struggle, but wonderful to hear that you’re where you want to be now, Kelly.
Molley@A Mother Life says
It’s a relief when you actually decide to be done. They are cuties!
Meredith says
“Relief” in having made the decision is the perfect way to put it, Molley!
Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says
I think when you know you know. The minute we found out we were pregnant with our third (who was completely planned) we knew it was our last. I have never regretted it and still know it was the right choice for us.
Meredith says
Exactly, Lisa–whenever it is, you just know, and THAT is a cool feeling 🙂
Cynthia Gabriele Sprouts Consignment Boutique says
It isn’t about numbers (Quantity) but Quality that we give to them!
Meredith says
Exactly! 🙂
Chris Carter says
Oh Meredith! I love that you have found peace in your decisions and embrace your beautiful children and husband as one perfect family for YOU. God bless you and I love that you are feeling the slight taste of freedom!!! XOXO
Meredith says
Thank YOU for always being such a sweet and perfect encouragement, my friend! To all that wonderful peace! 🙂
Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms says
You know, I don’t think I ever consciously said, “This is it,” to the extent of allowing myself peace. I wish I had. You are a wise woman (with an adorable family). Ellen
Meredith says
Ah, not at all, but it does fell good to put closure to this! xo, Ellen.
Kathy Radigan says
Every time I read a piece like this I can’t help but think back to 10 years ago when I knew in my heart that I was done. I had a boy and a girl, finally after four miscarriages and a year of infertility. I felt so done I even went to my doctor to talk about my options. We decided on an IUD, and I just had to wait for my period to start then I would call her office. I did call two weeks later to tell her that I did not need the IUD because I was pregnant! Lol! Now I know that three was my perfect number! But all kidding aside I think it’s great that you feel settled and happy with your gorgeous family! xo
Meredith says
Oh, what a neat story, Kathy! Sounds like your perfect number was just meant to be all along and I’m so glad you found it 🙂
WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustion says
YOU WROTE THIS THE DAY LYLA WAS BORN!!!!!!!!!! How ironic and beautiful and meant to be! And as we’re coming up on this post’s and my baby’s first birthday, I’m envying your peace of mind. I think I am, and always will be, that crazy lady who misses pregnancy sooooooo much.
To each her own, you adorable kid creating Mama you! xo
Meredith says
That is so crazy! But I don’t think you’re crazy. I think it’s pretty beautiful how God gives us all different hearts and desires for different things, and you are such a awesome momma, Steph!