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Oh, hey friend, I remember you…
I like things in order. I like things in order A LOT. I love my detailed-for-the-next-five-months calendar, and generally feel more secure when the goods for my kids’ summer birthdays are already ordered before Spring officially pops in. It’s my personality. It may be batty, but it’s who I am, and after 30+ yrs. of self-discovery, I’ve decided it’s cool with me…
Except for when it’s not so cool. Except for when things are a Mess, and the capital M is intentional. You see, somewhere between getting myself knocked up and enrolling my firstborn in Kindergarten, I’ve lost my crap. All of my crap.
It’s gone and it’s laying between items in my mile-long to-do list. For the record, I do re-write my to-do list every week. Granted, it’s the same stuff week after week, so photocopying would probably be more effective, but I like to pretend that it may be a bit different. That I may have crossed at least one item off the list…I have not.
Ugh.
About a year ago I wrote one of my favorite posts ever, The Drowning Stage. I would love to say that things are loads better. In some ways, they are. There is more hope, more general efficiency, and my newly adopted hobby of knitting scarves over and over and over. While the repetitive straight stitching should get old, it serves to calm my soul in a mindless soft perfection. Bliss. But outside of these fluffy stitches and the few other efficiency tricks I’ve learned, I am still sinking.
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I’m on it. Really…
I have become the kind of person who annoys me. The person who doesn’t return e-mails or phone calls, and always says, “I will get to it soon”–and then doesn’t. I tell people I will check my calendar, and I will. Chances are I just won’t remember what I was supposed to be checking for by the time I get to it.
As it turns out, young kids need stuff. A lot of stuff, but namely, they require my attention and energy. Though I pray hard every day to be able to give more of both, apparently I am still human and I have limits.
While it shakes the core of who I am to ignore tasks on my lists or worse, forget that I was even supposed to do them in the first place, it would appear that this is not the time in my life that I will be winning The Most Organized Person of the Year award. My reality right now is not ideally outlined birthday parties or remembering every single Show n’ Share for preschool. My reality is a chest freezer full of unidentifiable food items that don’t get used because I don’t have time to sift through anything except the very top layer. Dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets for everyone!
Listen, this chaos really bites for me. I more than kind-of hate it sometimes, but most assuredly, it is what it is. For now, I may be tanking on being that Most Organized Chick, but I still think I have a pretty good shot at The Mom of the Year. This Mess is what she’s all about, right?
Ages and stages…ages and stages, my friends.
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Amy - Funny Is Family says
I am the person who would annoy you, but now that I have kids, people think I’m flaky because I’m busy. It’s only partially true. 😉
Meredith says
I will love you always–regardless of flakiness cause 😉
Debbie McCormick says
Wait, you’re a knitter?! You know I sell Alpaca yarn don’t you? Sorry – I saw an opportunity for some free advertising. heh heh
But now on the topic at hand. I can say with most certainty that there is not one mother in the course of history that stayed organized all the time. Whether someone has one child or six, it is hard to keep up the pace day in and day out. I crashed the other night and told my husband “I just can’t do another thing tonight.” I longed for someone to bring my dinner on a tray and then come get the tray after I was finished. I wanted to plant my butt on the couch and not have to take care of anything OR anybody for the rest of the day. Sometimes, as hard as it is for the super organized, we have to make ourselves let it go. At least until the kids go off to college.
Meredith says
Debbie, I’m bringing you a virtual dinner on a tray. xo. And I am SO excited for this head’s up about your yarn!
Alisa says
I fell in love with you because of The Drowning Stage. I was right there with you, gasping for air. Now I do my best to keep organized, but many things fall through the cracks. It’s like this is the Juggling Stage and I have too many balls in the air. 🙂
Meredith says
Juggling Stage…so well put, Alisa, my love!
WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustion says
Listen here, woman: life has a way of throwing us curve balls we never imagined, and as long as your heart is happy and your kids are cared for, you’re hitting those curve balls outta the park. I, too, am extremely Type A, but lately, I can’t even remember when I’m supposed to pick up my kid from school. Helpful hint: it’s been the same time ALL YEAR LONG. Doesn’t matter. My brain is fried. I’ve been rewriting to-do lists, too, and while it drives me batty, it keeps me sane all at the same time. So, you are not alone (sing that like Michael Jackson) and understand that to know you, is to love you; you should love you, too 🙂 xo
Meredith says
See, you have the whole “I’M PREGNANT” excuse…but I love you for still working on the p/u–and for just being you. Here’s hoping we both figure it out before the of the year. Fingers crossed.
Katie @ Pick Any Two says
Just recently found your blog because I think we’re close geographically (I live in York). We sound unbelievably similar, in that I too have recently turned into the exact type of person I used to complain about.
Having a young child is a game-changer in that sense.
Meredith says
*Fist-bump* fellow PA gal! Thanks for being here–and here’s to getting through all of the game-changers 😉
Mack N. Cheese says
love this AND just discovered the DROWNING STAGE and I AM THERE. so glad to have found someone who put it into words so well. i have a 2 year old (just turned) and 3.5 year old and in the past 6 mos or so i feel like i just hit the wall, running full force, all my stuff went flying and i can’t even find where it landed let alone put the pieces back together. thanks for sharing!!!
Meredith says
“all my stuff went flying and i can’t even find where it landed let alone put the pieces back together”–exactly. You get it, Mack, and thanks for saying it so well. We’ll keep working on finding those pieces.
Lisa @bitesforbabies says
WOW! This sounds JUST like me…I’m way to anal-retentive for my own good, lol!!
Meredith says
A way to go, isn’t it? Hang in there!