My favorite legacy my mom left us
(the original story behind why my sister is covered in green is here)
Two years ago Sunday my mother exited this earth.
I’d be a fool to not recognize all the growing I’ve done in this time and all the ways my family has been blessed despite this heartbreak, but…I MISS HER. I make up fantasies about her, making her into something she never had a chance to be: a terrific grandma to my two kids who helped with things like doctor’s appointments and validating I wasn’t crazy for being terrified of Kindergarten registration. A mom who said “good job” when I felt like I was going to fall over from exhaustion if I had to school one more bathtime. A friend who took me for nail appointments as a treat–just because.
Gah.
Who knows if these things would have been? I’d like to believe so. While sad and bittersweet, imagining these things sometimes makes me feel warm inside–and loved. And that’s the thing of it–I don’t know what additional years to my mom’s life would have held exactly, but I do know one thing for certain: she was my best cheerleader. She was the one who ALWAYS said “Go you!”. She thought I was cool for just being me. She got me in so many ways the rest of the world did not.
And now she’s gone.
So it’s kind of lonely up in here. Lonely in that the rest of the world moves on, “forgets” in a sense, as it should. Don’t get me wrong; I count the blessing of my bangin’ Dead Parent Support Group (read: two dear pals who unfortunately understand my sadness too well as we kick back over margaritas) And I have a husband who loves me so much, and friends, and…
While other friends, teachers, grandmas, life partners, and mother-in-laws may appropriately find their way into the lives of those who loved her, I will never have another mother.
There is one soul who shares this truth with me: my sister. Through all of this, she has become My Family. She can never and should never replace my mother, but she is my safe space on this earth. In one recent moment, when my world felt a little too lonely and scary, I called her and said, “I need to know”.
“Need to know what?”, she asked.
“Need to know that even when life doesn’t make sense, is insanely busy, and things are horribly inconvenient, you will still be there. You will have our back. Always.”
“Yes.”
“Always?”
“There would never be another way”.
So on this March 2 when emotions rage from all directions and I find it an accomplishment to even remember where my toothbrush is, I just want to hang with her, my “Need to Know”.
Because of all the legacies my mother left on this earth, my sister is the one for which I’m most grateful.
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Julie Conner says
XO much love to you. I know the pain of a great loss, but not my mother. This makes me appreciate her more. Thanks for sharing.
Meredith says
Oh honey, I know you have felt/feel such pain. So many hugs…
Susan Maccarelli says
Made me cry and then had to explain to my husband who came into the room why I was crying while watching cartoons with the kids. I love the photo and am so glad your sister is such a support for you. No one understands things the way a sibling does since they have been there with you all along in most cases (or as long as we remember).
Meredith says
You said it exactly, Susan. Thank you.
Amy - Funny Is Family says
Siblings are our anchors during the hardest moments of grieving a parent. I’m so glad you have your sister and that she has you. Hugs to you today, and again on the 2nd.
Meredith says
I love how you worded this, Amy. Anchors are the perfect way to describe. And so sorry you understand this all too well.
WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustion says
I know we’ve talked about this before, but I try to be a better daughter to my mom because of what you’ve been through. I try not to take the days for granted and when it gets soooooo hard, I ask for patience because of YOU. I try to be better because of your experience, and that’s because you bravely share your feelings so openly. Thank you for that, friend.
Oh and I’m ready to snap after one more bath time, too. Manicures? <3
Meredith says
Mani/pedis DEFINITELY. And I’m so grateful that you always let me share my feelings openly with you–and that you care. xo.
Alisa says
Hugs. I can’t imagine life without my mom, no matter how crazy she makes me sometimes. Today, let me be the person who says, GO YOU! Go you for raising beautiful children without the proverbial village. Go you for building this blog. Go you for contributing to another amazing book. Go you for doing bathtime anyway. Go you for being YOU.
Meredith says
Alisa, this comment made me cry. You are wonderful, I appreciate you and this was perfect. So many hugs.
Frugalistablog says
You have many cheerleaders, and you have one in me. Go you! I would miss my mom terribly, I know I will when the time comes, I can’t even imagine.
Love you girl.
Meredith says
Thanks for all of your love and support, Frugie–I feel it 🙂
Teri says
Much love to you and to your amazing sister. Love that pic of the two of you. Big hugs coming to you in June.
Meredith says
Counting on those hugs, Teri!
stacey says
I agree with Frugie, you have so many cheerleaders; people who want you to be the best you can be. You have an amazing gift of expressing yourself to make others get to know you better. Such a blessing and a cathartic way to turn the pain into lovely memories.
This Sunday, I will re-read your story in the “I Just Want to Pee Alone” book in memory of your mom. Your love of your mother and sister made my heart laugh and weep. YOUR story was my absolute favorite in the book, but don’t tell anyone. 🙂
Meredith says
Stacey, I love you. Thank you. Promise me you will give me a squeeze whenever we finally meet?
Kathy at kissing the frog says
I’m bawling now. You’re so lucky to have a sister who is also a friend. And your mom is proud of you both. xo
Meredith says
And I’m so lucky to have a friend like you. xo.
Karen Calaman says
You just made me ball. She obviously left you a legacy of love……which you continue in loving your sister and family in that way. Much love to you and your sweet sister!
Meredith says
Thanks so much, Karen–and loving you right back!
dawn koller says
The tears are flowing. As usual your writing is so beautiful. Thank you for a fun afternoon. I hope you get a sweet nap and a visit from your mom in your dreams. Love you~
Meredith says
Perfect hope, Dawn. Thank you and love you too.
Chris Carter says
OH sweet friend… you said this so beautifully. I am SO glad you are blessed with your mother’s great legacy- your sis. I bet she feels the exact same way about you.
Thanking God you have her… XOXO
Meredith says
And I’m thanking God for friends like you, Chris. 🙂
Adrienne Bolton says
You got me on this one. Tears. XO
I’m sorry for your loss, Meredith! Sending prayers and hugs.
Meredith says
So appreciating all those prayers and hugs, Adrienne!
femmefrugality says
Oh, Meredith you got me crying. I am so sorry about your mother, but how many times must you have heard that by now? I know she’s still watching over you and I’m sure that all those positive warm feelings aren’t just feelings…they’re her real and living love. And I love your sister for this. I hope she reads this and knows she’s amazing. And I hope you know you’re amazing, too.
Meredith says
Femme, this is so beautiful: “I’m sure that all those positive warm feelings aren’t just feelings…they’re her real and living love”. Thank you. xo.
Bethany/Bad Parenting Moments says
I never had the opportunity to know your mother, but, her legacy is the beautiful people she left behind. And, knowing you…I can only imagine how proud be must be. I’m so thankful you have this loss to share with your sister…and the immeasurable joy of your mother as well. Love you, Meredith.
Meredith says
Love you right back, sweet Bethany.
Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms says
So much love to you. xoxo Ellen
Meredith says
Ellen, I am praying for you so hard. Love you, my friend.
Diana Pratt says
I just happened upon this blog, and I just to say…YES, JUST YES. I could have written this myself. I lost my mom in oct 2008, and I miss her terribly. I, too, have a sister who stepped in and gives me “mom” advice.
Thank you for this. It’s nice to know that someone else gets it!!!