This will ALWAYS be me…
Several months ago, something weird happened. Very weird. I started to care about myself.
It wasn’t a sudden, overwhelming recognition that Meredith, outside of sippy cup provider and snotty nose wiper, existed, but it was more a dull thud of a reminder that some part of her was still hanging around somewhere. The thud grew louder and then all the messages my mother spent a lifetime imparting to me started to thunder.
You see, my mother loved beautiful things. She delighted in taking time to make her world pretty–both through loving on others and enjoying tangible loveliness. So stuff like jewelry and make-up mattered to her. Not because she was shallow, but because she appreciated the beauty God creates on this earth. I spent a lot of time thinking my mom was crazy. but when it comes down to it, I’m her daughter.
I’m also 34, really tired, and too often feel like I don’t exist in this selfless cloud of being a mom to two young kiddos. Throw all of this together with lots of heavy missing my mom, and it was time–time for me to dig out my make-up. Time for me to start washing my face. Time to stop living in fear of skinny jeans (not sure my ginormous thighs are on board with this one yet). Time to consider stashing my diaper bag and digging a regular purse out from under my bed.
…but it’s nice to know she’s in there somewhere too.
I subscribed to People Stylewatch. I cashed in my LivingSocial credit to score a sweet at-home gel nail kit and fell in love with it. I learned what a hydrating mask is really supposed to do and couldn’t be prouder of the gorgeous Stella and Dot necklace I snagged from my online yardsale group. I gasped in horror over the discovery of my ladystache and schooled myself quickly in the intricacies of home waxing kits.
My sister is terrified. I tell her to table her fears and give it another five years–then we’ll be drooling over the Urban Decay website together. In the meantime I paint her nails, run her through the rigors of my new 10 minute skin-care routine, and ignore her eye rolls. Whatever, she’s still in her 20s and ergo, clueless.
My husband is a saint. He knows not to ask; when I ask him to help me convert a office drawer cabinet to an accessories case, he silently reaches for the drill (possible Pinterest-worthy post on this later if I am feeling brave enough to share). Past experiences have proven that whenever something possibly related to my mom is questioned, things can get a little tearfully messy, so it’s best to just roll with it. Poor man.
Don’t get me wrong; I have worn basically nothing except my sweats in this delightful February Winter Wonderland and can count on one hand the number of times I’ve broken out the make-up since the Snowpocalypse has started. I will always be the harried, unbrushed hair momma trying to hide from you at the grocery store, I promise.
But…but it’s nice to have options. To know that Meredith does exist and if I get my crap together, I could maybe even say hello to her once in a while?
The entire time I was working on this post, this song kept playing through my head. Because we know the breathtaking power of God to transform us into beautiful things extends far beyond the magic of nail polish. xo, friends.
And stay tuned; on Friday, I’m sharing a very cool blessing that has come my way in the form of the lovely Rebecca from Frugalista Blog. Frugie not only captures me with her beauty, but with her kind, patient and generous spirit in mentoring me through this new world of self-discovery. I can’t wait to tell you more about this beautiful gal and all of her beautiful things. Check back on Friday!
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Jen b says
This was beautiful and so are you, my friend!
Meredith says
Love you, babe 🙂
Shannon says
I really enjoyed your post. Sounds like you’ve found a great way to be reminded of yourself and your mom at the same time. Nicely said.
Meredith says
Thanks, Shannon–appreciate this.
Julie Conner says
Love this. It’s easy to forget about the person inside the mom! Go you 🙂 I, too decided to ditch my diaper bag, got a sweet purse and throw diapers in there. So incognito! 😉
Meredith says
Julie, you are so en vogue, it’s killing me! Keep rocking it, mama!
WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustion says
I’m a huge Frugie fan; can’t wait to see what you gals drum up together!
And you already know I adore you, friend. xo
Meredith says
Honey, all that adoration flying right back at you. xo.
Chris Carter says
The entire time I was working on this post, this song kept playing through my head. Because we know the breathtaking power of God to transform us into beautiful things extends far beyond the magic of nail polish. xo, friends.
THIS- perfect. 🙂
Meredith says
YOU’RE perfect. xoxoxo.
Courtney says
I’m so proud of you for taking care of you. It’s so easy to let ourselves disappear, but so good for us when we don’t. Love your story, as usual
Meredith says
Always a battle, but we’ll keep trying in the corners, Courtney 😉
AnnMarie says
I am going to echo the others and tell you that I think you are absolutely gorgeous, inside and out. I know what you mean about coming out of the fog of raising kids. I need to start doing this. Right now, my bar is set pretty low (thank God for pajama pants that look like regular pants and for the “washing your hair is bad movement”) and I think now is the time to raise it.
Meredith says
“thank God for pajama pants that look like regular pants and for the “washing your hair is bad movement” “–I love you so much, AnnMarie.
Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says
I love the quote from your mom. I have just recently started getting my eyebrows waxed more regularly. This helps me look less like Bert from Sesame Street. Win win!
Meredith says
Yes! Less Bert is always the goal, right Leanne? 😉
Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says
This is great! I agree that, as moms, we tend to put everyone else first and we end up dead last. I recently started a part time job (first time working outside the home in over 11 years!) and one thing I enjoy is “having” to get dressed up a couple times a week. I put on nice slacks, a sweater, jewelry, and make-up. It feels good to look good! 🙂
Meredith says
Lisa, that sounds heavenly–you keep soaking those days up!
Stephanie @ Mommy, for Real. says
Yes!!! This is so inspiring, Meredith. I’m so happy to hear that beauty is popping up for you in a variety of ways. You’ve come a long way since The Drowning Stage. 🙂 xo
Meredith says
Stephanie, that you remember my Drowning Stage means so much. Thanks, friend.
Erika says
I am glad to hear that you are loving getting your pretty on–my big thing was the real and honest effort to wear jewelry every time I leave the house–earrings and a necklace. It has been something like three years and now it is just a habit. What really shocked me into caring for myself was going back to work–I actually have to dry my hair, wear make-up and not wear sweats three days a week!! You just wait–in three short years or so, you will see all of the Meredith that once was and wish for more nose wiping, diaper bags, and slippy cups. I sometimes miss the lazy days of not needing to shower, or having nowhere to be on non-preschool days 😉 You are gorgeous inside and out!!
Meredith says
And Erika, you look so pretty in your jewelry! Thanks for the inspiration–and all the kind words. xo.
Ruth says
Keeping it real, sista! Love you! You make me literally laugh out loud!
Meredith says
This is the nicest compliment you could give, Ruth. Thanks, babe 🙂
thedoseofreality says
LOVE THIS so much! Today I took my kids to school (yay me!) and instead of practically going in my jammies I actually got dressed with makeup, etc. I feel so much better than I do normally at this time when I would still be sitting around in my sweats. This is a great post! :)-Ashley
Meredith says
Ashley, I KNOW you looked gorgeous. Keep enjoying any non-sweatpant days that come your way!
Jeannine says
Love this so much. You are beautiful, even in your sweats and no make up! Love that song, my brother played it at his wedding.
Meredith says
Oh! Makes me so happy that someone else knows this song, Jeannine 🙂
Teri says
You’d look beautiful wearing a brown paper bag and a cowboy hat, Meredith!
Meredith says
Teri, you have no idea what you’re talking about, but I love you anyway and please bring a cowboy hat to Blog U.
Adrienne says
I will never be as beautiful as you 🙂
Meredith says
Oh honey, that is just your stupid 20s talking. I’ll just keep ignoring your eye rolls and shoving eye shadow at you–we’ve got this. xo, of course.