Grocery Store List and the Good Whiskey

Source I never like to look anything less than perfect when I grocery shop while I judgmentally eschew all those silly moms in sweatpants.

Source
I never like to look anything less than perfect while grocery shopping. Eschewing all those silly moms in sweatpants…

I am sitting here, taking advantage of the first nap my son has taken in 2 months and writing this blog post. I should be writing my grocery store list, schooling laundry and sucking ground-in animal crackers from the carpet with the vacuum. Who am I kidding? I have a dog–he can get the crumbs, and I’m 33…I’m old, tired, washed-up. Better just fantasy dress-shop online or hone my burgeoning mahjongg skills while running an early happy hour with my beloved boxed wine.

But I have this silly thing called a blog, and as of yet, the blog fairies have yet to arrive and write my posts for me *shakes fist at skies*. Ah, the injustice of voluntarily launching something and then not being able to properly keep up with it…

So let’s just kill two birds with one stone. Grocery store list and a blog post? Works for me. Plus, I know you are dying to get the inside scoop on how this Mom of the Year aces out the household scene. What is on my grocery list this week?

Chicken There is always, always chicken. Never enough chicken. In fact, get a second cart and fill it exclusively with chicken.

Sedatives to keep my daughter pacified during the obnoxiously long trip What, for the love of God, am I going to do when preschool ends for the summer and I have to take two children with me to the store?

Deodorant I’m actually not sure we need this, but it always seems like a good bet to put it on the list just in case.

New underwear Don’t judge. They sell it there + this is my one weekly outing to a retail establishment + I can’t keep up with laundry = grocery store underwear is PERFECT.

Fresh veggies I try to be seasonal, as I’m pretty sure this adds to my street cred with all the other SAHMs who are totally rocking this game.

Milk Pointing at the cow pictures in the aisle and shouting “Moo!” buys us at least 30 seconds of contented happiness during the trip. In Visa terms, this is “priceless”.

Donuts for future or current bribe needs. Again, please withhold judgement.

Crap! I need a gift for that kid’s birthday party tomorrow! Enough said. Is 6 bags of cheetos appropriate for an 8 yr. old?

Sushi. Grocery. Store. Sushi.

Juice boxes. The fear alone of the havoc that may ensue if we would run out is enough to inspire me to bulk-shopping heights.

The good whiskey. I try to do fun things and treat my husband once in a while, but oh wait–I LIVE IN PENNSYLVANIA WHERE PROHIBITION STILL THRIVES. If I cursed, consider this situation cursed. Separate stupid trip to the state liquor store now on the agenda. Ah, let’s be real–my daughter will be full-on screaming by now…

We’ll all just have to settle for the boxed wine. In fact, it might just be best to forget this whole crazy grocery-shopping notion all together. Pass me the laptop–have you seen the gorgeous numbers Land’s End has rolled out this spring? I’ve got some drooling to do.

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