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Leave the bags at home. A trip to the trashcan is strictly bag-free!
Okay, this is going to be fine. Pampers has sucked up your life savings and there just isn’t any extra cash to spare for a tropical retreat right now? Throw in the nasty factors of limited vacation days at work and oh, the teeny little problem of those kiddos who need someone to take care of them and such, and that fancy getaway may be more the stuff of dreams than reality right now. No problem! Do not despair, we’ve got this one covered.
It’s all about maximizing what you’ve got. Think the magic of Wonderbra support craftily applied to some seconds throughout your day, and you soon will be saying, “All-inlcusive resort? Who needs it? Pass me that Tequila Sunrise when I’m on the toilet!”
Here are the tricks of the sneaky-vacationing trade, my friends:
1. This is where those 8 8oz. glasses of water/day finally make sense. Go above and beyond if you want. When your kids finally get to that age when you are pretty sure they won’t kill themselves if you take an extended pee, go ahead and pump that bladder full. Make a whole two minutes of it and flip on that fan switch AND lock the door. Mommy’s taking a mini-break.**
2. Contrary to popular belief, the laundry is your best friend. Shoot! Mommy just has to run downstairs and switch up the load. Darn that she has to walk down the basement steps so slowly so as to be careful as to not fall and twist her ankle.
3. In a similar vein, start loving on that full trash can. Such an incredible shame to leave the house and carry the bag outside. Bonus steps on the pedometer too. In fact, wouldn’t be shocked if the can starts edging itself closer and closer to the neighbor’s house.
4. The minivan. Toyota had it mostly right with their whole Swagger Wagon campaign, but they missed one key concept. You can vacation with your kiddos in the van with you. Strapped down to their car seats with the radio cranked up, they can temper-tantrum on all they want–it’s not going to make a difference to you! Go all out and load them up with sippy cups and goldfish crackers if you really want a peaceful escape.
5. Who said that this time change jazz has to be exclusive to Greenwich Mean Time applied to our national standards? If you’re having a rough day, the clocks might accidentally get bumped up an hour, and that just can’t be helped, right? Go fiddle with those clocks and snag yourself an extra hour.
What vacation opportunities am I missing? Fill me in please, because despite my best efforts, I’m still kind of crushing on the tropical retreat right now…
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Okay fine, I’m drooling
**This seemed like a naturally excellent place to throw in a little shameless self-promo. If you haven’t heard already, thanks to the genius of People I Want to Punch in the Throat, I am going to be part of a very cool, very funny book, I Just Want to Pee Alone, coming out sometime next month. There are so many hysterically awesome bloggers featured in this book. I am going to continue sharing their stuff on my facebook page, so be sure to check them out. Hey, laughing is an amazing ab workout, so count it as your daily exercise 😉 More details on the book to follow, but for now, just start making some space in your Amazon cart and get excited to bring on the funny!
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