I Lit My Kitchen on Fire

I alluded to this a bit ago when I was hashing about a really horrible day I was having, but I think I need to clarify: I actually lit my kitchen on fire.

Source: Microsoft ClipArt Doing my best to light it up and be positively illuminating for the rest of you…

It was the result of a not-particularly-tale-worthy cooking “blunder” involving an attempt to make rice.  And trust me, having grown up with fire hazard avoidance drilled into my head, I know this isn’t a good thing, but it happened.  The sad news is, it happened approximately one week after I set a box of kleenex aflame in the exact same said kitchen.  When my husband called on his way home from work the day of the kleenex incident, I told him about the tissues.  Sans missing a beat, he said, “I’ll be home in few minutes.”  I said, “No, like I seriously lit a box of kleenex on fire.”  He replied, “Yeah, I know” and hung up.  Perhaps his utter lack of shock should have been an indication that I may have a problem with pyromania.

Disregarding indicators of problematic behavioral disorders, as flames shot from my stove the other day, it became apparent that my primary purpose in this life is to make other people feel more normal.  As in, if you are ever feeling bad about your life, specifically your performance in household management, I’ve got this covered.  Anything not-awesome that you’ve done, I’ve probably already done multiple times over, and managed to light it in flames in the process.

So with the pugnant odor of crisply singed bangs still wafting in recent memory, I bid you to carry on housewives of America–just doing my part to make you look like a freakin’ rockstar.

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Meredith

Meredith blogs at The Mom of the Year, where she dedicatedly earns her title one epic parenting fail at a time, offering quick, relatable laughs for fellow parents and all their empathizers. She has been part of several best-selling anthologies, featured on prominent sites such as Huffington Post, In the Powder Room and BlogHer, and loves her role as the Executive VP/Operations Manager of The BlogU Conference. When she's not breaking up fights over Legos and juice boxes, she remains fully committed to sharing a less serious look at the world of parenting.

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