You Know Mommy is on a Diet When…

All of you who have ever dieted (so, okay, everybody except those naturally scarily skinny people we don’t like anyway), will get this.  Mommy is trying to diet, and it’s not necessarily a pleasant time for anybody in the house.  I’m all for accepting your body as it is, but I had really reached an unhealthy situation.  I have lost about 14 lbs., but before anyone congratulates me or sends a “go you!” my way, know that I still have a long, long way to go.  So yeah, the situation is still grim…

Source I need this magnet to announce fair warning to my family..

If the general grouchy mood weren’t enough to send off flashing red flares alerting that we are in an Official State of Dieting, there are a few other indicators that Mommy is working to lose weight.

1.  Eyeball hateful dagger of jealousy at my children on a regular basis b/c they can house goldfish cracks without a care in the world.

2. Launched myself into a hysterical panic the other day when I reached down and felt something hard on my leg.  Then remembered what muscles feel like.

3. Can only watch The Next Food Network Star immediately after a meal; otherwise my drool over the food would pool on the couch, and the mess I’d need to clean up wouldn’t be worth it.

4. Thanks to the crazy cool outfits found on Pinterest and my dream future hot bod, now have the most amazing wardrobe in the world–in my head.

5. 99 degrees out?  Buck up kids, we’re going down to the park anyway–Mommy needs to get in her walk.  Let’s just say even Casper-white me has a hint of tan this summer.  


6. Talk about Jillian Michaels more than I talk about my best friend.  In fact, she might be my best friend.  I wonder if I should introduce myself to her?

7. When I skulk off to a private corner repetitive times a day, I am not participating in some sort of covert ops–I’m just obsessively counting my calories.

8.  (can’t believe I’m admitting this–so, so gross, so, so cringe-worthy) When I was shoving dirty laundry in the washer the other day, something smelled like crab.  I love crab.  This made me hungry.  I know…I know!

9. Let’s just say A LOT more PBS in the morning while Mommy scores her work-out–my son is loving on my new regime.

10.  Now have differentiated between my “good” yoga pants for trips out of the house and the crappy ones just for staying home in.  A girl’s gotta have standards…

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Meredith

Meredith blogs at The Mom of the Year, where she dedicatedly earns her title one epic parenting fail at a time, offering quick, relatable laughs for fellow parents and all their empathizers. She has been part of several best-selling anthologies, featured on prominent sites such as Huffington Post, In the Powder Room and BlogHer, and loves her role as the Executive VP/Operations Manager of The BlogU Conference. When she's not breaking up fights over Legos and juice boxes, she remains fully committed to sharing a less serious look at the world of parenting.

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