Alone Time

I have been in active pursuit of alone time every day since my son was born.  My efforts of yet have been futile.  I love my husband.  I love my kids.  Most days, I even love my dog.  But the older I get and the more little hands I have invading my non-existent personal bubble, the more I crave privacy.  One night recently I was especially cranky (shock, I know) and after a really long week, I. Just. Wanted. To. Be. Alone.  I told my husband this and he was on board (God bless him) and was all, “Yeah, sure.”  I’m like, “No, I want to be alone.”  He’s like “Yeah, I got it.”  I’m like, “No, I don’t think you do–I want to be ALONE”.  Then to be clear, I delineated the following clarification:

Current Theoretical Alone Time

Alone Time does NOT include:

Large neurotic dogs panting in my face regarding some perceived hysteria

Socializing with the sweet Genaurdi’s delivery man

Calling every establishment in town and scheduling all of our family’s appointments for the next several months

Running herd after a toddler

Hosting a playdate

Having a baby repeatedly try to pull all of my thinning hair out of my head

Rehashing our depressing financial state for the 1,000th time this week

Pooping with an audience (oh it happens, people–parents, you know exactly what I mean)

Attending a work happy hour

Going on a group walk

Escaping upstairs with a book only to have very sweet little blonde heads pop up beside my bed every 30 seconds

Talking to anyone else

Talking at all

In fact, perhaps what I am seeking is a self-induced coma??

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Meredith

Meredith blogs at The Mom of the Year, where she dedicatedly earns her title one epic parenting fail at a time, offering quick, relatable laughs for fellow parents and all their empathizers. She has been part of several best-selling anthologies, featured on prominent sites such as Huffington Post, In the Powder Room and BlogHer, and loves her role as the Executive VP/Operations Manager of The BlogU Conference. When she's not breaking up fights over Legos and juice boxes, she remains fully committed to sharing a less serious look at the world of parenting.

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