So, so many times I envy the life of a soap opera characters. Aside from the obvious pluses of perfect bodies, gorgeous clothing, and no apparent need to ever actually go to work, despite being the CEO of some company (as it seems at least 2 out of 3 of the characters are), there are other benefits. It occurred to me while utilizing a special hair-oil removing oil (I know, it sounds contradictory to me as well) and having my hair all slicked back, that while I looked like a serial killer in the ilk of Girl With the Dragon Tattoo in real life, I would have appeared sleek and glamorous if I was starring on a soap opera. Another benefit to being a soap character: any family event, such as a bridal shower or family reunion would have a relatively small guest list as the rate of intermarriage on soaps is high, and thus, the family tree remains small. While these things are great, the greatest advantage to being a soap opera character is obviously that if you “die” you never actually die. As in, say the funeral is held and your body is in the ground, there is no definitive reason you could not return in a couple of months. Death is not preclusive of continued character life by any measurement. This makes things such as the frequent death threats and harrowing life-endangering situations a lot less scary. Go beyond Jesus-rising-from-the-grave and think more the literal interpretation of a “cat with nine lives”. If you have a sucky day (which they never really do), you’ll just get it again come your next go at life. Definite benefits to soap opera drama here…
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