This is a list of the top ten full-time paid staff I understand that I need to successfully run my life and household (after the obvious need for two full-time nannies–one to take care of my children and one to take care of me):
2. Twitter Consultant. I just don’t get it–get how it works, get what hashtags are or what they mean, how to reply to someone–just not working for me…
3. Cheerleader. C’mon, how cool would it be to have someone do a fiesty set of somersaults and yell, “Go, Meredith, go!” every time I was gagging over a particularly noxious diaper?!
4. Barista. Yeah, that would just be awesome…
5. Maid. Obvious.
6. Clothing Manager.
7. Jillian Micheals. She wouldn’t actually have to do anything–I’m pretty sure the just fear alone of her being in my house would terrify me into vigorous exercise.
8. Playdoh Proficianado. Pretty sure I just made that word up, but basically I need someone who is really good at playing with playdoh to come play with my son ad nauseum on a daily basis. I’m not patient or creative enough to play with all the awesome playdoh tools and sets that are available, and this would make my son really happy.
9. Dog-fawner. Not walker, not petter, just someone who can skillfully fawn over my dog all day and make him feel really special.
10 (and obviously the most important). Omnipresent TV Watcher. It is simply impossible for me to watch and keep up with all the awesome shows out there I’d like see. I need someone to watch all of them for me and report back with snippets that would make me say “aww….” or LOL really hard.
Aware of budget constraints, I’m trying to be realistic and will generously settle for letting my husband agree to only hiring 3 or 4 of the above mentioned staff.
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