25 Reasons My Scale is a Liar

Oh honey, Alisa, I’m right there with you–my jeans are so, so heavy.  And muscle weight and humidity are A BEAST.  Also, I love you, Alisa. Friends, if there was ever a time to love on Alisa, it is NOW. Solidarity on the scale and peace out, my love!

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On my 29^th birthday I went to Old Navy to buy myself a pair of fat jeans. I cried in the fitting room and vowed that I would make some healthy changes before I hit the big 3-0. Granted, I had a five month old baby and a two-year old at home, leaving me with pregnancy weight and little time on my hands for exercising. And though I had plenty of reasons to wait to lose those extra pounds, I knew it was all those excuses reasons that landed me crying in a fitting room at Old Navy in the first place. And so I kicked all those reasons to the curb and just did it.

Now I’m walking the fine line between managing my weight and obsessing over it. I realize that my weight fluctuates daily for a variety of reasons so instead of aiming for a special number, I have a five pound window and as long as I’m in the zone, I try not to let the scale bother me.  But it does. So every time I get on my scale and see a number I’m not in love with, I remind myself of all the good reasons the scale is a liar. And then I laugh because I think I’m funny and it burns calories.

1. These jeans are heavy
2. My hair is wet. Must weigh at least 5lbs.
3. It’s a new moon. Gravitational pull is off.
4. My yoga pants are heavy.
5. I’m holding a 25lb toddler. Naw, he must 30lbs…
6. I exercised a lot this week. It must be muscle weight.
7. My socks are heavy
8. I’m going to start my period
9. I’m retaining water
10. I just had a baby. (20 months ago…)
11. I’m breastfeeding. At least 2 lbs of that is milk. (Ok, I can’t use this one anymore, but I have!)
12. I’ve been sick
13. It’s Girl Scout cookie season
14. Batteries are low in the scale.
15. It’s humid. (The air is heavy, not me.)
16. I had dental work this week and I could only eat ice cream. Totally not my fault.
17. I’m on my period
18. I’m dehydrated
19. I haven’t pooped yet
20. I ate a big breakfast
21. I went out to dinner last night
22. I drank too much water
23. Steak was on sale at the grocery store
24. My floor is uneven and it throws off the scale.
25. It’s April 1^st and even my scale’s in on the jokes

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I KNOW. Want more? Go follow the cool gal at @alisamalisa on Twitter!  She’s got the funny and is waiting for you to check in!

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Meredith

Meredith blogs at The Mom of the Year, where she dedicatedly earns her title one epic parenting fail at a time, offering quick, relatable laughs for fellow parents and all their empathizers. She has been part of several best-selling anthologies, featured on prominent sites such as Huffington Post, In the Powder Room and BlogHer, and loves her role as the Executive VP/Operations Manager of The BlogU Conference. When she's not breaking up fights over Legos and juice boxes, she remains fully committed to sharing a less serious look at the world of parenting.

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