Alright, settle in, Santa, because we’re back this week with more requests from some of my favorite funny moms. You might be feeling a little nervous about fulfilling all of these wishes, but hey, as far as I can tell, you took the last 11 months off. So get busy and put those elves to work. It’s time to make some Christmas dreams come true.
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Check out more of what Scary Mommy has got to say!
To start us off, I am bowing to the queen of honest parenting, Scary Mommy herself. In telling the truth so purely, she leaves you both smarting in pain from laughing so hard and feeling blissful relief after realizing you’re more normal than you thought. What would make this very cool mom’s holiday?:
Dear Santa,
Love,
Jill, aka Scary Mommy
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Ashley is pregnant. This means she gets bonus points and you have to give her exactly what she wants:
Dear Santa,
*This baby OUT (healthy and happy of course, but OUT OUT OUT)
*And for the porn star boobage that came with the LAST kid to stick around a little bit longer. Because that was really awesome and then really sucky once they deflated into pancakes. So yeah, that or a boob job.
Love, Ashley from It’s Fitting
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Any way we can get some of this magic happening?
Mind throwing a super power FemmeFrugality’s way?:
Dear Santa,
Lots of Love,
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Paige isn’t asking for much, only Adam Levine and a few other things:
Dear Santa,
How are you? If I had to hazard a guess, you’re what some would call, “Busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest”. As far as behavior goes, I’d say this was a breakout year for me. No smoking. No drinking. Brought a brand new baby into the world. You and I know I usually ask for the same things every year: world peace, a bra that can be worn for seven days without needing to be washed, and for Aldi to start sacking groceries. However, this year, I’d like you to find it in your heart to bring me yoga pants that make it look like I had a tummy tuck, a spare elf to cut my hair and dye my roots (don’t tell him where he’s going or he may back out…perhaps send a blind elf who can cut hair by feel), and Adam Levine to sing at my birthday party in July.
Oh …and world peace.
Sincerely,
Paige of There’s More Where That Came From
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Go ahead and play with time a little
4 extra hours in Sabrina’s day doesn’t seem like it would be so hard to deliver:
Dear Santa,
xoxo
Sabrina of Neverland Nook
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Listen, if you can’t manage the little blue box, just give Steph a nap at the very least!
Dear Santa,
Thanks, Santa! You’re swell!
Steph of When Crazy Meets Exhaustion
P.S. If there were a little blue box in my stocking, I wouldn’t cry.
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Anna, of My Life and Kids is a mom after all of our hearts with her simple request:
What I really want is to be able to trust a sneeze – and a fart.
And by the way, Santa, Anna has a really great ebook, Fun Holiday Traditions. You might want to check this out to get some tips in case things are getting a little monotonous up there at the North Pole and you’re looking for something new to shake things up.
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Melissa is being more than reasonable with her wishes:
Dear Santa:
–Melissa of The Mommyhood Chronicles
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This one’s on Dani this year
Dani will round out our week with a very kind offer to leave you a scotch in exchange for fulfilling her wishes, so be generous:
Dear Santa,
Here are my 3 wishes . . .
1. The luxury of having my child eat what I put in front of her for at least 2 meals each day. This current set-up of cooking 6+ different things 3 times a day is adding far too many grey hairs on this red head of mine.
2. An email from you the day before (or at least the morning of) a nap strike so I can plan accordingly. You have no idea how much lighter our wine budget would be if you could do this for me.
3. A guarantee our local grocery store will have fully stocked shelves each night so I can grocery shop after The Kid is in bed and never again in this lifetime endure the nightmare that is navigating groceries and a toddler through our underground parking garage. Just the idea of never having to do this again makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
There you have it. That’s all I want. Just 3 itsy bitsy things to help me maintain what little amount of sanity I have left.
See you on the 24th, Santa. I’ll make sure to have a glass of scotch waiting for you, but I can’t promise there will be any cookies left.
With Love,
Dani xo, of Cloudy With a Chance of Wine
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Keep your eyes peeled for the next couple weeks as more very relatable Christmas wishes are on the way. And yes, I’m still dangling that carrot of having The Bloggess chime in too! In the meantime, if you’ve got something Santa needs to hear, let us know below. Merry Christmas dreaming, everyone.
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