Throwing it Down with Spanx: The Monday Review

The original Spanx–not much has improved…

Spanx. Spanx. SPANX.  Oh, my mixed feelings about this supposedly-genius product for women…I think I’m probably the only woman in America who is not totally in love, so I’m pretty sure something is wrong with me.

In theory, they are fantastic: they suck you in, make you look skinny, lots of fabulous things, etc.

In practice:

1.  I think I set my expectations too high.  I expect to put them on and instantly be transformed into Jessica Alba.  This does not happen.  They help, sure, but I still look bulge-y in all the wrong places.

2.  So the parts of me that need Spanx-ed (my hips and thighs) do not need sucked in if I wear a maxi-dress (everything is so flowy with this garment, it doesn’t matter).  They do need restraint if I’m wearing a shorter, more fitted number.  Unfortunatelty, if I wear Spanx with a dress that falls anywhere above-knee, the Spanx peeks out and makes me look at least 105.  So then I try to “roll up” the legs, which only serves to create yet another unseemly bulge.  Think similar to ugly scenario in Bridget Jones Diary when her super-panties get unwieldly and create a tire-like roll around her middle.

3.  They are pricey.  Sure, there are knock-off brands, but they just don’t work as well.  Please tell me if I’m wrong and give me a product name to try!

4.  The most offensive of all the negatives about this product…somehow the makers of Spanx have gotten in committed cahoots with my husband.  Without fail, every single time I shut myself up in my bedroom to have a private fight with this evil undergarment, my husband decides this is the perfect time to come in, sit on the edge of the bed and “just chat”.  I will spare you the stream of choice words coursing through my mind at this point.  I don’t think I’m the only one in this situation, as my sister has also reported such horrific crimes against woman-hood.

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Meredith

Meredith blogs at The Mom of the Year, where she dedicatedly earns her title one epic parenting fail at a time, offering quick, relatable laughs for fellow parents and all their empathizers. She has been part of several best-selling anthologies, featured on prominent sites such as Huffington Post, In the Powder Room and BlogHer, and loves her role as the Executive VP/Operations Manager of The BlogU Conference. When she's not breaking up fights over Legos and juice boxes, she remains fully committed to sharing a less serious look at the world of parenting.

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