Things No One Ever Told Me About Potty-Training

The stuff of Mommy’s fantasies…

1. The resulting laundry-lode would make the piles of bibs and burp cloths from the newborn days look paltry.

2. I would spend significant time fantasizing about having all the carpets in my house replaced vs. trying to actually clean them.

3. I would be so driven to desperation trying to manage the aforementioned urine-soaked laundry with a crazy-busy baby, potty-training toddler and psychotic dog that the words “I’m putting you in charge while I go down to the basement to put this load of laundry in.  Make sure nothing bad happens” would actually come out of my mouth.  Yes, this is a mini-pop quiz as you try to figure out whether infant, canine or 2 yr. old was so wisely left in charge.

4. I would absolutely hate the process.  This is one of those well-guarded secrets from those who have gone before, along the lines of “marriage will be hard” and “babies scream–a lot”.

5. I would be terrified to leave my house in fear of having to logistically handle a “public accident”.

6. My son would consume an obscene number of candy bribes through this process.

7. I would be scared of peeing on my own toilet in my house b/c, let’s just be honest, it’s gross what is going on in that bathroom nowadays.

8. Once again in my life, I find that I am jealous more not of people who don’t have kids, but of people whose kids are older and who have have this hellacious business behind them.

9. Bathtime would become relaxing because it’s a “free pee” scenario.  As in, not awesome if you pee in the tub, but at least there is no subsequent carpet-scrubbing required.

10. Putting pants on your child would seem excessive–just one more article of clothing for him to pee through and for you to wash.  Definitely just flash around those fancy underpants with a cartoon-character-themed print.

Hop in on the fun!  This post is linked up at the Theme Thursday Link-Up: http://cloudywithachanceofwine.com/1397-2/

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Meredith

Meredith blogs at The Mom of the Year, where she dedicatedly earns her title one epic parenting fail at a time, offering quick, relatable laughs for fellow parents and all their empathizers. She has been part of several best-selling anthologies, featured on prominent sites such as Huffington Post, In the Powder Room and BlogHer, and loves her role as the Executive VP/Operations Manager of The BlogU Conference. When she's not breaking up fights over Legos and juice boxes, she remains fully committed to sharing a less serious look at the world of parenting.

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